i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
