mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i dont even know how to be here
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
