i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
