my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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