i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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