I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
