need another drink. this is the easiest way
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and she was petting her beer can
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
