I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
