Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize