Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
