She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
