my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
