It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
