I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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