you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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