how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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