Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
