I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
