I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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