We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
