I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
