Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
