My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
