i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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