remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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