Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
