It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
