Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
