Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
