It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
