did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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