She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
