The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
