and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
