Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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