i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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