Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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