11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize