respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
