im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
