She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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