Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
