you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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