some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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