There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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