wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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