Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
FUCK WHALES
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
