Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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