Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
