May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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