I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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