I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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