sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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