Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Success! We fucked roommates!
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