we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
