miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
