Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
