the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
