I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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