____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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