Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
