Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
