new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
