Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
