I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
