I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
