Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there is puke in my bra ... again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
