Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
